How to Talk About Autism with Extended Family without Shame

Family support is critical in raising a child, no matter what that child’s development abilities are. It becomes even more critical, though, when a child is diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder (ASD).

Parents of children with autism may need more help and support — both physical and emotional — than those of neurotypical children. This is because there are many extra stressors, emotions and responsibilities that they must handle.

Getting that support from extended family members first starts with telling them that your child has been diagnosed with autism — what it means, what they require and what you need as well.

Unfortunately, many parents feel embarrassed about their child’s diagnosis, as they may see it as a failure in some way — or believe their extended family will feel that way.

To help you overcome those feelings, we’ll discuss in this article how to talk about autism with extended family without shame.

Table Of Contents

What You Should Explain

When you are talking about autism with extended family members, it’s important to be very specific about your child’s diagnosis. It’s certainly important to explain what the autism spectrum is — that different people on it can experience widely different symptoms — but you need to specifically outline how autism affects your child.

This can be done by explaining what led you to get your child evaluated for autism, what their professionals said and how autism affects your child on a day-to-day basis.

You can go into more detail about the behaviors that your child may be exhibiting as a result, which could include intense interests in some subjects, sensory sensitivities and repetitive behaviors such as hand flapping. Describe to family members that these behaviors are not something that your child can control.

It’s also important to explain to family members that autism is a neurodevelopmental disorder that will affect your child for their entire life. There’s no “cure” for it, though there are effective treatments.

You should also tell them that autism is something that begins to develop while the baby is still inside the mother’s uterus, and that there are many misconceptions about how it develops — such as because of vaccines.

Be Positive

It’s natural for people to respond with sadness, shame, concern, worry or guilt when they hear your child has been diagnosed with autism. But, it’s very important that you focus on all the positive aspects of your child’s diagnosis.

Instead of making it feel as if being diagnosed with autism is sad or a failure, emphasize how it makes your child unique. Highlight how your child’s brain simply works in different ways than neurotypical children, and that there are many amazing traits and skills that children on the autism spectrum display.

To do this, it’s important to avoid using negative language. Don’t say that your child is “suffering” from autism, as it makes it feel as though ASD is a disease. Use phrases such as “different” rather than “abnormal;” it may be best to avoid using the word “normal” at all.

Then, emphasize all the efforts you are taking as their parent to provide the best support for them. This could include the initial diagnosis and your child’s medical care team, as well as their team that’s administering applied behavior analysis (ABA therapy).

Be Prepared

It’s a good idea to be prepared that your extended family will likely have emotional reactions when you tell them your child has autism. They may be very sad, frustrated, confused and even angry — or any combination of the above.

Anticipate that they will likely have questions. Be prepared to answer them as openly and honestly as you can, and tell them that you just don’t know yet if you’re unsure.

Overall, it’s important that you are the one who controls the narrative. You get to decide the information you want your extended family to know. You can even share certain information with some family members and not with others, if you so choose.

By approaching the conversation this way, you can avoid feeling shame and get as much support as you need from your extended family, both physically and emotionally.

Blue Gems ABA Provides Support to Parents

Telling your extended family members that your child has ASD is an important step. Doing so without shame may be challenging, but following some of the tips above can help.

At Blue Gems ABA, we provide support to the parents of children with autism who we serve. We integrate them into ABA therapy sessions, educating them on the strategies being used and how they can effectively support their children outside of therapy sessions.

To learn more, please contact us today.